Life

What does this picture say to you?

It says Life to me. Paul celebrated mother's day for me yesterday with the boys and Hadassah since we didn't have Harrison on Mother's day. While we were sitting at our picnic table, Paul asks me, "So what have you been thinking about on this Mother's Day?" I said "Life both what a miracle it is and how fleeting it is."

In both of those things, we really have no control over. As mother's we give birth to life but it God who creates and breathes life into the baby in the womb. It is in this area that we often don't mind not being in control due to the anticipation of discovering who this little one is going be. However, when someone we love departs this world the helpless feeling of not being in control doesn't feel so great in fact it can be extremely painful. You might be thinking Lauren this is a little heavy for a mother's day post. Well this past week has been one that has shaken me once again to the fleeting aspect of life.

The Sunday before Mother's day, my two sister in laws and my mother in law had a beautiful baby shower for Hadassah and invited our house church ladies.

They purposely planned it to be for when my mom, sister, and two nieces were going to be here. It was such a joy having my family here to celebrate with me. We were all heading to the shower in our minivan when all of a sudden the car in front of me moved to another lane and there before me was a queen box spring mattress. I moved to the right and then jerked us back into the lane clipping only a small part of the mattress. My sister put her body over Hadassah's car seat to stabilize it from the sudden movement. Overall, we were all okay except for some neck injuries. But, the suddenness of it reminded me of how at any time we can be taken from this life to the next. I feel blessed to have this picture of my mom, sister, nieces and Hadassah at the shower. It is one I will always treasure.

At the shower people gave me gifts that started with the letter "H" since Hadassah starts with an H. I got anything from Huggies diapers,herbs, an Heirloom of my baby blanket to pass on, honey, a hedgehog stuffed animal, a height chart, a soft hare for Hadassah to sleep with, and a hollylock picture etc. Here are some pics.

I have been thinking about what I could give her that started with the letter H but had not come to any conclusions yet. Then this past Sunday on Mother's Day, I got a message from a friend saying that my spiritual mom's daughter who was 25 weeks pregnant just had her baby unexpectedly but the baby who was alive when he was born had his heart stop in the helicopter on the way to the hospital. Waves of emotions, thoughts, tears, prayers hit me hard. Again the theme of fleeting life, why Lord... why thoughts and feelings of sorrow for Dana and her family while also experiencing grief all over again for Art and Zeke. As I was writing a card to Dana a phrase kept coming to me to write her that helped me in my time of grief it was "prisoner of hope". So even though life is not in our control, hope is what we can hold on too. So that is the "H" gift that I would like for Hadassah to have: HOPE with an eternal perspective.


here is a poem I wrote on 9/11/05 (a year and 2 months after Art had gone to be with the Lord)

"Prisoner of Hope"

Despite the grief,
I am a prisoner of hope
Bound to my Eternal Love

Chains of truth and grace
Hold me steadfast
Until I see your face

Perseverance will complete its work
Wholeness will fill emptiness
Unspeakable joy will invade the tears

A prisoner of hope, am I
yet free to fly
For you became a prisoner for me
When you died upon the tree

You bore not only my sin but grief and sorrow
Because of this I can face tomorrow
You took the sting of death
As you gave your last breathe

Oh victory of victories
You have allowed me to see
Death has no hold on me
Rather your love has set me free

Although the waves come
I will cling to the cross
And let you purify the dross

Many waters cannot quench love
As I fix my gaze to look above

I see you there
It is almost too much to bear
Beauty beyond beauty
I want to know Thee

Keep me captive
This is my plea
Until my hope becomes my reality.