Thoughts on the World Cup

My first experience with watching the World Cup was with the Blake family (the picture above was taken 4 years ago). I was newly married into the family and the whole family rented a cabin in Colorado to watch the world cup games. There were charts, presentations of teams (which included some personal information on the players so the girls could be emotionally interested), team jerseys and of course lots of talk of who was going to win and why. We watched lots of games. It was fun just being together. Other highlights from the trip included Wyatt eating Cheerios for the first time, Leah finding out she was pregnant with Cassie and dreading Leah's hair. The other thing that really stands out from the trip is the statement that someone made, "I wonder how many kids we will have by the time the next world cup happens." At the time, we only had 4. No one would have thought that there would be 11 and especially that two of them would be in heaven.

This world cup experience has obliviously been way different since we are all in the middle of grief. However, it has given us something to do, think about, and even get excited about it in the midst of the grief. I think that is why I have gotten into more this year. Paul has even caught me watching highlights by myself. It also has given me a chance just to be in Leah's presence. I don't say much and often times I am just sitting there holding back tears. Oh how I wish I could have been there today though and seen Tom and Leah's face when Spain, which is one of their favorite teams, scored and won the world cup. I cried after the game and told my family that I was so glad because I know that this brought some joy to Tom and Leah. As small as it is in comparison to the deep grief we are feeling, we will take any type of joy we can get right now.

Noah actually got into watching the games with me while I have been here which I was thankful for. He would reinact the plays on the bed pretending to do headers and then falling down. Then he would call Paul and tell him the score and what happened. When Spain scored, he said, "The bumble bee fell down" because he had overheard someone say the Netherlands' goalie looked like a bumble bee. He really loves the game of soccer. This is also hard because some of my favorite memories are watching Noah and Wyatt play soccer together whether if it was in our or Tom and Leah's basement or our backyard or Tom and Leah's front yard. Noah liked to tackle Wyatt and Wyatt would say, "Noah, that is football not soccer." Wyatt was always real good about letting Noah play with the ball even though he was by far the better player. He had his papa's footwork for sure. It was not that long ago, when the ball got stuck and Noah took it out with his foot, then he turned to me and said, "Wyatt taught me how to do that." Since Paul and Tom play soccer on an indoor league Wyatt and Noah would go to the games and watch or jump off the stands. Noah basically copied anything Wyatt did, and Wyatt would copy what Harrison did. Since Noah was really little he loved kicking the ball in the hallway with Papa. All of this to say, I don't think we are going to be able to convince Noah not to play now, so I am trying to be thankful that this brings up good memories of Wyatt and the joy that he and Noah had, and the leader that he is to Noah. It is hard because sometimes when I think of good memories with Wyatt I smile but often times that smile turns into soft, slow tears running down my checks because I miss him and I miss the life and relationship that Wyatt would have had with Noah and Harrison. In short, life is just not the same without Wyatt and Zeke. I was trying to think of a way to end this on a positive note but I don't have one tonight, I am just really sad and missing my nephews.